you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
