I met the friendliest cop last night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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