Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
