Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
