i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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