That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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