420 ftw
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Boobs speak an international language.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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