Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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