Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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