yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
