then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
