Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He better not be in your backpack
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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