you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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