you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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