She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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