I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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