i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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