**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
