My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
