btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
