so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
