Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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