I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
