Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
