Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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