I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
