"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
