As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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