Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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