Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
