I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
