Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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