I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
