I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
