I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You're like the curious george of whores
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
