garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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