He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
