is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
