I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
