I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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