wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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