home. puking in laundry basket.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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