He felt like a one man threesome
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
