Having a random hookup so left but love u
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This girl is more easily done than said...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
