Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
