She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
