New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
