Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
