If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
