hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
